The Difference Between Advice & Therapy
In times of uncertainty, doubt, or frustration, we often turn to the people closest to us, friends, family, or colleagues, for support. What starts as an opportunity to vent or process can quickly turn into an advice session. It’s an instinctual response as relational humans: You have problem? I fix.
But have you ever found yourself internally rolling your eyes or feeling frustrated by the advice you're given, maybe because you’ve already considered it yourself? Sometimes it can feel less like genuine support and more like the other person is projecting their own experiences onto you. Maybe you've already explored those solutions. Or maybe the advice completely overlooks the nuances of your situation, making it feel impersonal, irrelevant, or even unhelpful.
This dynamic, needing help but not quite feeling satisfied by the help you receive, can lead to the belief that you should already have all the answers. You know what needs to be done. You have the tools: motivation, mantras, maybe even a few quick fixes. But for some reason, whether it’s timing, overwhelm, or other circumstances, you can’t seem to get yourself there. Still, you tell yourself you should be able to. And over time, that “should” can morph into a quiet, persistent self-criticism - an internal voice that insists knowing better is the same as doing better.
This is where resistance can set in - not just to advice, but to therapy itself.
"I’ve already tried everything. What could a therapist possibly say that I haven’t heard before?"
"I already know what I need to do - I just can’t seem to do it. How would therapy change that?"
"The advice I do get is helpful! Why would I pay for therapy when I can get that for free?"
But here’s the thing: therapy isn’t about giving advice.
A therapist’s role isn’t to offer you the same tips you heard on a podcast or the wisdom your best friend shared last week. Therapy is about identifying patterns, examining deeper context of your experiences, and uncovering blindspots - things that well-intentioned advice often overlooks or simply doesn’t have the access to.
You might be thinking, So why would I pay someone just to point things out instead of telling me what to do?
Consider this…
Have you ever been told: “Sleep is so important! Are you getting enough sleep?”, “Exercise can help with your stress and energy levels. How often are you working out?”, OR “You need to set boundaries with your in-laws!” These statements are true. We all know them. That’s why every December 31st, we set resolutions to go to bed earlier, get into a consistent workout routine, or finally stand firm on your boundaries.
But knowing something isn’t the same as internalizing it. Real change doesn’t happen just because someone tells us what we should do - it happens when we understand what’s keeping us stuck in the first place. Without that awareness, even the best advice can feel impossible to act on.
That’s why real shifts happen when you experience the benefits firsthand - when something clicks because it feels true for you, not because someone else told you it should be. It’s the difference between knowing you should sleep more and actually feeling what a rested body and mind can do. Or finding a kind of movement that genuinely energizes you - not because it’s trending, but because it fits who you are.
So why is it so hard to follow through on the things we logically know are good for us? It’s not just about discipline or motivation. Often, it’s about the unconscious patterns we’ve developed over time. The way we set (or avoid) boundaries, care for ourselves, or even perceive success is often shaped by early experiences, relationships, and the roles we’ve learned to play.
